My Secret Lover
by SVUlover97
Summary: Olivia notices her feelings towards Alex. After they had gotten so close throughout their friendship Alex's own mother notices. Olivia starts second guessing Alex's sexuality. Will Alex take advantage after she discovers these feelings? AO. EO friendship only.
1. Maybes

_**A/N: *AU* Takes place in season 5. The whole Alex getting shot NEVER happened in this. Infact, that case never happened. I had this idea and wanted to write it. It's depressing in the beginning but later it will be happy and family like. This is Olivia's point of view for now. Review and let me know what you think! (: **_

_**Xox**_

Alex Cabot was a difficult person. She was a quiet and extremely serious. When she was with me it was all different. She was outgoing and funny. She never hide anything from me. She was one of the only people I could trust and she was one of the only people that knew everything about me but still wanted to be in my life. I can admit that in the past few years that me and Alex had gotten close, I had fallen in love with her. She had no idea…I really had no idea until it had already happened. I found myself randomly looking at her and thinking about how gorgeous she was. In court I had always watched how she walked around like she was the queen. I loved how her hair perfectly fell in front of her face, still giving off her perfectly shaped jawline. I kind a thought it would go away. The feelings had only intensified.

Yup I was screwed…

I watched as Alex paced around my apartment and freaked out in the middle of the night about a case. I was too tired for this.

"Alex. Alex!" I yelled over her babbling.

"What?"

She turned around to face me and I just looked at her.

"I didn't have anything planned because I didn't know you'd stop talking. Well, this is awkward." I laughed.

I honestly didn't think she'd stop talking but it was nice to hear the silence. I loved her but she worried too much about cases. I wondered when she had the time to relax and sleep…or date.

"Liv now is not a time to joke with me. I am freaking out. You and Stabler barley gave me anything."

"Hey, we do everything we can Alex. Now, I am going to sleep. I will see you tomorrow." I sighed and stood.

She looked at me seriously and I knew I'd better sit my ass down before she argued about something. So I slowly sat back down and she smiled. She knew she had me wrapped around her little finger.

"Olivia, I just don't want to seem stupid in court. I've been suck in this situation more than once. You and Stabler sure know how to screw an ADA." She laughed and grabbed her coat from the back of the couch.

I laughed and handed her, her purse.

"I'll see you tomorrow, night Liv." She sat as she walked out.

I breathed out and walked back to my room. Hoping sleep would take over before I let my mind wonder.

…

It was a Saturday and I thankfully had off today. Even though I knew Alex would be over soon and force me to go out with her. I didn't mind, I just wanted to distance myself from her. It seemed easy. I wasn't sure how much linger I could go on watching her dating other men. Sometimes I thought maybe I should get in a relationship. I just couldn't find someone as perfect as Alex and I didn't want to hurt someone by being with them when I wanted Alex.

She would be the reason I died an old lonely cat lady.

I had suddenly remembered Alex was going to the beach with her mother and family! Ah, I could actually sleep in.

Throughout the last year of our friendship I'd grown so close to her family…not so much her father but her mother loved me more than life. Alex's mothers name was Alice Cabot and her father was the famous lawyer Richard Cabot. She had a younger brother that was 23, his name was Jeremey Cabot. He was super-hot and had the hots for me but I have the hots for his sister.

I felt my phone vibrate my bed and I searched for it. It was most likely Alex saying good morning or something.

I looked at my phone and seen a message from Alice.

'_My dearest Olivia, meet us out front of your apartment in 10. Bring a swim suit! –A xox' _

I was going to kill Alex for this. Ugh. I ripped myself from bed and rushed around. I ran down my apartment stairs and saw Alex's mothers SUV. Alex was smiling as she opened the car door for me. She sat beside me and put her hand on my leg.

"You didn't think I was going alone did you?" She said through her teeth.

I gave her the evil eye and looked down at the hand that remained on my thigh. God I loved her.

…

We had arrived at the beach and Alex and Jeremey had acted like kids and ran down to the water. I sat with Alice and tanned.

"Is there something going on with you and Alexandra?"

I didn't have any response for her. Nothing was but why would she even ask me that.

"Excuse me?"

"I see the way you look at her. You love her. It's sweet, really. I would always accept Alexandra. I love you like my own and you are a good person for her. I just wonder if there is anything going on."

I trusted Alice with my life. Which was weird because the only person I trusted with my life was Elliot but Alice was safe and good. She was the mother I had always wanted.

"Alice as much as I wished something was going on, there is nothing going on. She's dating that Scott guy and she's straight."

I watched as Alex ran over to us, her perfect body glistening in the sun. She smiled at me and grabbed a towel. She still watched me as she dried off, pretty much checking me out.

"I'm not so sure." Alice whispered.

Maybe Alice was right, maybe Alex wasn't straight…


	2. Ending It All

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I wasn't sure if I should keep this in Liv's POV so for now I will but later chapters it will be third person! :-) **_

Alice Cabot was a smart woman. It was a surprise when she actually thought me and her daughter were together or that she actually wanted us together. As I sat on the hood of Alice's red SUV watching the fireworks. Alex ran around drink tequila with her date, Scott.

"Do you think Alexandra loves you? I mean does she hit on you as well?" Alice asked looking over at me.

I smiled and sighed before taking a sip of my beer.

"She does flirt. She grabs me and makes sex jokes towards me but I think it's her personality maybe. I don't know. I just love being close to her even as just her friend."

"Does she know about your feelings?"

"Yes I have told her many times. So I think she's very aware."

Alice shook her head and just looked back up at the sky. Alex did know of my feelings but she never really acknowledged them. She actually kind a laughed it off when I told her. I thought sometimes she was scared to admit she was gay. I could honestly be wrong and she could be as straight as a pole. Normally my straight girlfriends don't grab my ass. I guess Alex is just a complicated person. I don't know. I hated not knowing things…she was my best friend that was all. Just my best friend. I repeated this hoping I'd stop seeing her as a hot woman I wouldn't mind having exploring with my tongue.

Alex walked over to me and climbed up on the car straddling me. She was slurring her words and her date had gone home.

"Liv…take me home."

Alice looked over at me and gave me a look.

"Alexandra! Stop that. You know Olivia is gay and I think you are very aware of her feelings. Act like a lady."

Alex gave me a look and I shrugged acting like I had no idea what her mother was talking about. Alice was crazy and I loved her because she spoke her mind but I hated her for interrupting that moment. I sighed and looked at Alex.

"C'mon."

I said and pulled her off the car. I waved goodbye to her mother and we drove home. It was silent until Alex spoke up and she had most defiantly sobered up because she was using her very serious court voice towards me. It was honestly a turn on.

"How does my mother know about your feelings towards me?"

I pulled up to the front of my house not paying attention to her question until she grabbed my arm and gave me the 'don't fuck with me' look. I let out a deep breath.

"I talk to your mom a lot. I guess that came up a few times."

"You guess? Olivia you know we don't tell my mother things."

I shot her a look and cringed as she used my full name instead of Liv. I now knew she was very mad. I got out of the car and slammed the door. She followed and yelled all the way up the stairs.

"Actually Alex I remember you saying we don't tell your father things because he doesn't like the gays."

She looked at the ground and I unlocked the door.

"I can't go around your father because he doesn't like my life style, remember?" I said opening the door.

She stood in the door way and looked at me. She had that sad puppy dog eyes look every time we fought. I always caved and made up with her. I think we act like a couple more than we'd both like to admit. We share drinks, we share a bed, we fight about pointless things, we make up, and we are contently with each other. I mean I know her peeing schedule that is real love right there!

"Alexandra stop giving me the face!" I said walking back to my room.

She slammed the front door closed and huffed her way to the room. She crossed her arms and leaned against the door way. I smiled and she finally caved and smiled.

"I hate you." She said going to her side of the bed.

"You love me."

I laid beside her and she looked over at me.

"I didn't tell your mom that I wanted her to tell you that I didn't want you to flirt anymore or whatever we do." I said. 

"I figured you didn't but I still feel like I should stop. It's rude to tease you and I need to be mature and stop goofing off."

"Goodnight Alexandra."

"Night Olivia."

I just wanted to end that converstation. Alex and I were friends because we didn't need to act mature and we goofed off and did stupid stupid things. Maybe I was being stupid but I think she might want to end the flirting because she started to feel something towards me. I don't know. It's hard to tell what goes through Alex's head.

"Liv."

"Yeah?"

"Stop overthinking and go to sleep."

I smiled through the darkness of the room and closed my eyes listening to her…

When I woke up I could feel my hand brushing against warm smooth skin. My legs were too. My arms were wrapped around something. I caught a hind of perfume and I snapped my eyes opened. I was cuddling Alex! My legs were intertwined with hers. My hand was touching her stomach. I had my hand in her shirt. Oh my god. I slowly removed my body away from hers and I heard her groan in her sleep and move.

I couldn't do this. I could not continue to be her friend. This was not going to work. I was in love with a straight woman, my straight best friend. I could be out there trying to date a woman one that was gay like really gay. I walked out to the kitchen waiting for her to wake up. I needed to stop this. I needed to talk to her.

I heard her groan again and then her little bare feet walk against the floor. I knew she was going to pee and then she'd walk out here. She does it every morning.

"Morning." She said walked into the kitchen.

"Alex we need to talk…I—I can't be friend with you anymore."

**TBC…**


	3. Liquid Courage

_**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! Love the feedback. I noticed one person's review was a little more detailed and they were confused because they thought Alex didn't know about Olivia's feelings. I will flashback a lot in this chapter to different scenes about her telling her! Enjoy! Xox**_

_2 months ago:_

"_Olivia stop it. Stop being stubborn and just calm down!" Alex yelled. _

"_Alex no, you don't even get it. Okay so no just go."_

_Alex rolled her eyes and stood in front of me not moving. _

"_You love me I get it. You can't be upset over it. You're in love with me and you think it's wrong, believe me I do get it."_

_I wondered if she got it because she loved me too…_

...

Alex looked at me and I saw the tears already threatening to spill. I didn't want to hurt her, that was not the idea I had at all. I sighed and I knew this was going to be a difficult thing. I was hurting her and I could feel the familiar ache in my chest. It was the ache when Alex first told me that we would never happen. It hurt like a bitch and I didn't think I could get over it then.

"Olivia...why?" She said softly.

She was talking soft because she was trying not to cry. She did it all the time when she was upset.

"Alex…please…you know—I just—love you." I stuttered out.

That's when the tears started streaming down her face. Our friendship was honestly doing more harm than good. I couldn't have a relationship with her around and she couldn't have a functional relationship either. We would never be happy if we stayed like this. I wanted my happiness to be with her but I couldn't make her be someone she wasn't.

"We can work this out. I promise it'll be okay just don't do this."

I could feel the ache getting worse and then I felt the hot tears start falling.

Alex moved towards me and pulled me in a hug making me cry harder as I inhaled her perfect scent. I loved her so much it hurt. I honestly never felt this was about someone and it hurt knowing we would never be anything.

I guess I should appreciate the time I had with Alex because she wouldn't always be around. She would eventually move on…get married…have kids. She deserved to get married and be a mother. She was perfect and anyone would be lucky to have her.

She removed herself from me when someone knocked.

I composed myself before opening the door. Once I did Elliot was standing in front of me.

"Hey El." I said softly.

I opened the door wider and showed him in. He looked over at Alex who was sitting at the bar in just her t shirt and underwear. He gave me a look and raised an eyebrow.

"Are you guys sleeping together finally?" He asked quietly.

I laughed so hard I snorted.

"Uh, no." I said once I calmed down from my laughing fit.

You could tell by the face he was wearing he didn't believe me at all.

I suddenly remembered the first time someone thought me and Alex were a couple…

_1 year ago:_

"_Alex you did an amazing job. You had the jury right away!" I said with a broad smile. _

_She smiled brightly. God her smile was amazing. _

_The judge approached us. She smiled nicely at me. _

"_You two are adorable and make a fantastic power couple! Congrats on your conviction Ms. Cabot." She shook hands with Alex and walked away. _

_Alex and I started laughing. The judge was right we were a good power couple…if only we were a couple. _

…

Elliot snapped be out of my daydream.

"So Kathy and I are getting divorced." He said quietly.

"No!" I said shocked.

"Yeah, we just are moving on, I guess. She cheated on me."

"I'm so sorry Elliot."

He gave me a small smile.

After an hour of talking Elliot left and me and Alex were alone again. She was drinking a glass of wine when I came out of the shower, dressed for the day.

"Drinking a little early aren't we Ms. Cabot?"

She nodded and didn't look up from her book she was reading. I sighed and walked over pouring a glass for myself. It was going to be a long day off.

After we downed a whole bottle of wine Alex finally was ready to talk, liquid courage.

"I am straight but I am attracted to you. Everything about you Olivia, your body, your personality, how beautiful you are even without trying, the way you use to run your hand through your hair when it was long, your lips. I just get scared because I get closer and closer. I find more things I love about you and then become more attracted to you." She sighs heavily.

I can't even look at her. I'm scared to, to be honest. I don't think any woman has ever had this effect on me.

"Alex you are drunk. We shouldn't talk about this right now." I sigh.

She moves acrossed the couch towards me and her hand ends up on my upper thigh making me already hot. She travels her hand up toward my stomach and I stop her as much as I love to carry this on.

"Alex…"

She doesn't say anything. She just reaches over and grabs my face bring it so close to hers we almost touch. I can feel her hot breath on my lips. I know I should stop it but I didn't move. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted this to happen and I knew I should stop it because it was wrong but the way her eyes looked into mine full of lust and desire. She wanted this just as much as me.

She moves her mouth so it covers mine and the feeling of her soft lips are so unreal and I melt into her, surrendering all my doubts and bad thought crumble behind me…


End file.
